Give Me Heart.

I woke up and for a second forgot while I felt so crappy. Then I remembered.

The joys of automatic save on my laptop~
How come I didn't notice everytime Tom was brought up her nickname changed to something depressing? Oh, she just said atleast you got the guy you want :/ Hmmm. Okay, I'm looking at the convo from yesterday.. What did I do to deserve to get "cut"? This is seriously fucked. Hey Sarah, you feel betrayed, and yesterday the person that has caused the feeling of betrayel said she wanted to cut you, but you didn't realise it was you.

Yeah, well I didn't go to school today. I couldn't even explain to mother why. All I said was "I don't feel well", and when she asked why I said that I had just found out some things, and she got all concerned, then I said "Isabelle" and she asked if Tom had anything to do with it and I said he just confirmed it..

I really don't think anything will go my way. You know, I got some form of happiness but I'm still getting screwed around. What the hell is wrong with this world? Okay, I get it. I get it.. I'm never going to stop hurting. Thanks world, really.

I feel like an idiot because last night I felt like I couldn't do anything to help her and the Ricardo situation. Who knew I caused the fucking situation? You know, I wrote her a blog and after that I felt so shit because I looked back on everything that has happened and I don't think I deserve to be happy.. You know, I went for a shower, and I could see cuts on my arms, on my legs, and I just thought that I would do anything in my power to make her situation better for her. I felt guilty because, despite the fact that I was crying then, I was happy. You know, I'm happy now, but I am not a good person, and I've done things a good person would never do, and in that respect I thought that I would've done anything to give her the happiness I had. I'd be okay with suffering, because I always had been.

I told her to tell him! What the fucking fuck. It's the fucking lying I don't understand. It's not that you have feelings towards him, it's that you lied about it. I feel so tired and sick of having to miss school because I'm this way. I am so sick of people disappointing me this past week.

I really wanna talk to Tom ): He makes me feel so much better. Argh, I'm gonna watch One Tree Hill ><

___

Okay, gave up on One Tree Hill. I'm feeling a bit better now.
Oh yay for life ~