Thursday, January 28, 2010
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Having trouble sleeping.. Who the hell wants to go to school tomorrow? Mum and Eric are in Perth.. Such a sucky week, having to say goodbye. Trying to be strong for Mum.. Yelled myself to sleep last night, and woke up repeatedly throughout the night. Doubt I'll be sleeping tonight. I miss you Crystal.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
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I'm lying where you used to sleep. Everythings just so different now..
I miss you.
My next door neighbour came over today and when she got to my door she said that when she heard she started crying. Then I started crying some more, then we started crying and hugging eachother. She was such a beautiful dog, and I'm just so broken and devastated.
I miss you.
My next door neighbour came over today and when she got to my door she said that when she heard she started crying. Then I started crying some more, then we started crying and hugging eachother. She was such a beautiful dog, and I'm just so broken and devastated.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
On Wednesday my brother's godmother passed away. Seven years ago Eric's godparents and family packed up and moved to Perth, and we only ever saw them one other time when Mum, me and Eric went over.
I spent most of my childhood at their place in Sydney. We sometimes drive past the house, and I miss it. The pool, the court on the other side of the road. It was a fun place growing up.
However, not only did she pass away, but my grandfather got admitted to hospital. And it wasn't a good day at all.
Mum was heartbroken, and Eric was devastated. My dad's face was practically blank, and I didn't even know what to feel.
We have had two visitors from England that arrived on Thursday, and today while driving Tom home in the car Mum and one of the visitors, Ken, were talking about life and how these things come quickly out of the dark.
So now I've come to a new outlook, so to speak. I've spent four years living in the past, holding on to hurt, and pain. I blame the circumstances of the time on who I am today, and that may be true. I got sent to a school that is too far away in my books, and I've been taking the same medication that works but doesn't for three years. And I think I need to just live in the moment. There is no later in this life. If we need something, want something, have to do something.. it's all now.
Although this year is important in determining my year next year, I'm going to live in the moment, and remember that there is no longer later.
Rest in Peace Branka, Uncle Colin, Nonna, Aunty Joyce, Lina, and to all those friends and family we've lost a long the way ♥
I spent most of my childhood at their place in Sydney. We sometimes drive past the house, and I miss it. The pool, the court on the other side of the road. It was a fun place growing up.
However, not only did she pass away, but my grandfather got admitted to hospital. And it wasn't a good day at all.
Mum was heartbroken, and Eric was devastated. My dad's face was practically blank, and I didn't even know what to feel.
We have had two visitors from England that arrived on Thursday, and today while driving Tom home in the car Mum and one of the visitors, Ken, were talking about life and how these things come quickly out of the dark.
So now I've come to a new outlook, so to speak. I've spent four years living in the past, holding on to hurt, and pain. I blame the circumstances of the time on who I am today, and that may be true. I got sent to a school that is too far away in my books, and I've been taking the same medication that works but doesn't for three years. And I think I need to just live in the moment. There is no later in this life. If we need something, want something, have to do something.. it's all now.
Although this year is important in determining my year next year, I'm going to live in the moment, and remember that there is no longer later.
Later does not exist. It is only here, and it is only now.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
My Best Friend.
She always smiles at me, every single morning. She doesn't argue when I need to talk and walk with her. And I've known her since I started school.
On the 31st of July 1997 I was blessed with the bestest friend I'll ever know. As I write this she lies next to me, silently resting, still with her odd sleep twitches.
She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and my worst nightmare is waking up one day and she's gone. She the gentlest dog I've ever known, even though kids in the street tremble and run when they see her because of her size. She's like Hagrid - soft inside, and caring.
She sleeps a lot these days, and her poor tummy is covered in sores. Today I found the area where her blood was taken, and we're waiting on those results. She has a lump, but because of her age there's no point in doing a biopsy.
I worry about her so much. She's more then a dog to me, she's like the sister my Mum couldn't give us.
I love you Crystal.
On the 31st of July 1997 I was blessed with the bestest friend I'll ever know. As I write this she lies next to me, silently resting, still with her odd sleep twitches.
She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and my worst nightmare is waking up one day and she's gone. She the gentlest dog I've ever known, even though kids in the street tremble and run when they see her because of her size. She's like Hagrid - soft inside, and caring.
She sleeps a lot these days, and her poor tummy is covered in sores. Today I found the area where her blood was taken, and we're waiting on those results. She has a lump, but because of her age there's no point in doing a biopsy.
I worry about her so much. She's more then a dog to me, she's like the sister my Mum couldn't give us.
I love you Crystal.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Meet You There.
So it's now the first of January, 2010. I really don't want to recap on the last year, because I never had that great an expectation for the year anyway. Any year after 2007 is just a little weird to me.
So instead I will focus on the little things that are inside my head, as I feel I need to get them out.
I don't want to go back to school. I find it a waste travelling two and a half hours daily to go to school. I'm considering going to TAFE/doing some courses through Distance Education. I can wave goodbye to Advanced English and do Standard, and I can do Visual Arts through Distance so that makes me happy.
I'm in the almost process of painting my room, so I'm very excited for that. Need a change in my living environment I think.
And lastly, the thing I don't want to address. If you can't give me a good reason then I'll make one for my own self and believe it. I just can't accept it at the moment.
And now I must attempt to fix my laptop and sleep.
Goodnight.
So instead I will focus on the little things that are inside my head, as I feel I need to get them out.
I don't want to go back to school. I find it a waste travelling two and a half hours daily to go to school. I'm considering going to TAFE/doing some courses through Distance Education. I can wave goodbye to Advanced English and do Standard, and I can do Visual Arts through Distance so that makes me happy.
I'm in the almost process of painting my room, so I'm very excited for that. Need a change in my living environment I think.
And lastly, the thing I don't want to address. If you can't give me a good reason then I'll make one for my own self and believe it. I just can't accept it at the moment.
And now I must attempt to fix my laptop and sleep.
Goodnight.
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